Archive for January, 2010

Rated R

This is an adult conversation. That means, kids should not read this today. This is a grown up conversation that some are not ready for, and some won’t be able to relate to. Thanks in advance for your understanding and support.

I recently watched VH1’s “For the Love of Ray J”. I watch the show so that I can understand what is going on in the world, have insight into what my daughter is faced with, and also: because it is pretty interesting to learn about dating and relationships in these crazy times.

One contestant on the show is a beautiful lady named Elle who Ray nicknamed, “Luscious”. She is young and a bit immature, but not naive or “green” by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, she had the most uncomfortable moment when she bumped into a man she formerly had sex with at a function hosted by Ray. He and Ray are friends – yikes! She didn’t think that it would be a big deal, “We are all from LA, so of course there may be people I hooked up with who Ray knows and vice-versa. We can get past that”.

Right?

Wrong?

The first time it surfaced was by the actual guy. He made it a point to tell Ray that he “hit that”. Ray kept Luscious around, stating that “her past was her past”. He and Luscious moved on from the situation.

But the same story from her past would continue to resurface.

Over and over.

The same mistake followed her like a “Scarlet Letter”.

It resurfaced again when Ray’s sister, Brandy brought it up. At this point, Luscious is trying to be polite. But you can tell she is clearly irritated that she has to keep talking about her past and explaining herself to everyone. She says again, “Ray and I have moved on from that situation”.

Next, all of Ray’s friends come to his house for a pool party. They ask around all afternoon, “Which one of you girls smashed the homie?”

Later, Snoop Dogg arrives and spends a few minutes with each lady, trying to identify who is right for Ray J. Snoop Dogg asks Luscious if she knows which one of the girls “Smashed the homie”. At first she evades the answer, and finally tells him, “I did, but Ray and I have moved past it”

The “Coup de gras” was during the post-party debrief with Ray and his friends. They gave him feedback on all of his potential “girlfriends”. When they mentioned Luscious, one guy said, “The homie told me himself he smashed it. She ain’t the one”. Ray put a pillow over his head, while his friends chanted,

“Luscious, she smashed the homie! Luscious, she smashed the homie!”

Luscious overheard the foolerly and ran in the room screaming, “You all are being disrespectful!” The gang kept heckling her, until she finally lost her temper. She ended up quitting the show in tears.

What is my takeaway on all of this?

Luscious smashed a homie. I won’t get into all of the biblical
writings about fornication, but it is safe to say – she SINNED!! In fact, she did it at Ray’s house sometime in the past. I can’t really defend what she did or why she would even get on Ray’s show to begin with. My point is not about whether it was right or wrong. My point is about moving beyond your past. Even though she tried to pick herself up from the situation and move on, her past kept coming back to haunt her over and over. It is bad enough when WE keep blaming OURSELVES and feeling guilty for things we’ve done. Now add to it, the ridicule from the crowd.

As Dietrick Haddon sings, “I am so glad, God is not like man”.*

God doesn’t say you are not worthy. God says you are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. The amazing thing about the love of God is, He doesn’t hold grudges, and make snide comments or snicker with others about you.

Can I relate to Elle? Sure. I smashed a homie too back in the day.

Whoops!! Is that why I am still single?

(laughing) I won’t even begin to accept that lie – I am single because God wants me to be right now. Period.

I can’t begin to recount all of the things I’ve done in my short lifetime that I am ashamed of. The times I looked back and said,

“What was I thinking?”
“What was I DRINKING?”

The good news is: I have no problem sharing with you, because I have overcome my past. Hallelujah!

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us (Psa 103:12).

A message from Kelly Chapman to Elle:
“You can live in LA or all the way in NYC and it wouldn’t matter who knows whom – if you are a child of the King, He forgives you! Dust yourself off and try again. You said you are reading your bible – WONDERFUL!!! Keep doing it young lady. God will direct your path.”

I need to keep it real so let me add one more point. It is so awful to have your past brought up in your face, and even worse, used as an excuse for why you are not worthy of a man. But to be clear:

Women don’t like to go behind other women EITHER. In fact, WE LADIES would prefer not to be with YOU if we knew:

- all 300 of the women you smashed when you were just “getting it out of your system” before you were “ready to settle down”
- that we were going behind the prostitute you slept with on your many trips to Brazil
- that you had those two babies while you were dating us
- that the dude you hang out with all of the time is really more than a friend (wink)
- that you have all of those STDs (half of which YOU aren’t even aware of)

We want a PRIZE also!!! Hello??? Can I get an AMEN!

But the funny thing about most women (which some men seem to get and often take advantage of) is we tend not to judge you on your past. We have the same grace as Jesus – throwing it into the “sea of forgetfulness”. We want to believe in your ability to change and focus solely on us.

So Ladies, if you made some mistakes in the past, and have moved forward to become a better person – hold your head up high and never let ANYONE make you feel unworthy of love or forgiveness. Turn your life around, and don’t look back! There is a man out there who will love you unconditionally – wait on him!

I may not win any popularity contests for keeping things real. I don’t care. Let me close by saying to my friends (mainly the homies): Don’t get too proud. In fact, look in the mirror. May I remind you that the bible says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged” (Matt 7:1)

Oh the blood of Jesus!
Oh the blood of Jesus!
Oh the blood of Jesus
IT WASHES WHITE AS SNOW!

Check out a great video on ww.youtube.com by Dietrick Haddon “You didn’t give up”

Loving you unconditionally…

I recently had the opportunity to do something that I normally would have never considered: Trapeze School at the Santa Monica Pier.
I have a fear of heights, and I am also not quite the gymnast that I was as a kid. What transpired that afternoon provided great insight into my self-esteem, team dynamics, and the power of letting go.

If you are not familiar with the Trapeze, the process involves climbing a super-tall ladder and standing on a platform held by cables. You are instructed to grab the bar, hang and swing your legs up over it. Next you let go of the bar and hang by your knees, and lastly, you swing your legs back down and gracefully drop into the net.

UMMM HMMMM…

This exercise revealed the vulnerabilities of most of us. Some of us were extremely nervous, and some couldn’t get up the ladder. My goal: do it to overcome a fear. Anothers goal: to do it once just to be able to say I did it. Another: I don’t care, I am COMING BACK DOWN NOW!!! Anothers kids gave him a Superman T-Shirt and he was all over the place, jumping from one bar to the next.

We had two hours, and trust me – that is a LOT of time.

When I went up the ladder, I was on fire! I was on a mission to accomplish the stunt, because it actually looked fun! As a skier, I was
concerned that my knees might suffer additional stress by hanging upside down. However, I was “raring to go”!

I quickly scaled the ladder to the top, and dipped my hands in the chalk bag. Let’s DO THIS!!!

Everything was fine until the instructor told me to lean my upper body away from the platform. My hands would hold the bar and prepare to
jump. I immediately said, “Nope, this isn’t going to work.” In my mind, I was leaning out into the unknown. What if something happened??? I mean I am leaning out over nothing but a net many feet below. “Unh-uh. I can’t.”

A team member yelled, “Hey Kelly, just TRUST”

With that reminder – in a split second, I let go and leaned forward.

As I let go, I felt the instructor holding me so that I would not fall off of the platform. When I got my legs up on the bar, he shouted, “Drop your hands!” I screamed, “Oh no, I can’t do THAT part!” He COMMANDED in a loud voice, “Yes YOU CAN!”. Like a soldier taking orders, I immediately let go, swinging from those “ski knees” – hahaha!! It was soooo much FUN!!!

From that moment on, I learned how to hang from the bar and swing, and I almost did a flip like they do in the circus, but my timing was off.

WOW!!!!

…and greater WOW watching those handsome beach instructors climb a rope and do tricks on a bar (but I digress – sorry)

In all seriousness, how many times have you felt that you needed or wanted to do something, but you stopped or quit due to fear? Whether it is:

- starting a business
- going out of the country for vacation or on a missions trip
- singing or public speaking
- snorkeling, or some outdoor adventure
- or following your passion even when the odds seem stacked against you?

We have so many excuses, so much negative self-talk:

- What if I can’t pay my bills?
- it’s dangerous over there (as if the United States is absent of criminals and violence)
- They are all going to laugh at me
- What if I hurt myself?
- Everything is falling apart so maybe it is time to “throw in the towel”

For some reason, God called me to share the Good News via Kelly Chapman Ministries. I could have (and did have) alot of doubts about it:

- I haven’t quite memorized the entire bible yet, am I qualified?
- I am sooo far from perfect, everyone must know?
- I don’t have a husband, how can I share with singles?
- I haven’t been to divinity school so why are people asking me to speak?
- I can’t sing like Karen Clark-Sheard or Kim Burrell, are they going to reject me?

… on and on the list goes and GROWS!

But God knew me – my faults, my shortcomings and all. He knew that I suffer from tremendous stress when I grab the microphone. He told me to go anyway. He knew I had never been formally trained at a worship leaders camp or retreat. He told me to lead others in worship anyway. He knew I didn’t have time to write a book, so he sent Kenya Banks to get the process started and co-write… anyway.

When I said, “No way”
He said, “YES, and trust me”

He knows the plans He has for me, and they are GREATER than anything I could imagine (Jer 29:11)

And trusting has been a daily process. Dying daily to my fleshly nature that is so concerned with perfection, so concerned with what others think, so concerned with not failing.

Last week, I worked myself into a stomach flu-like illness the morning I had to sing at a big event co-chaired by BET’s CEO Debra Lee.
I won’t get into all of the sexy details of that morning, but suffice it to say – I was not well. I finally got in God’s presence. I prayed, I sang worship songs, and I worshipped the Lord in the spirit. And five minutes before I opened my mouth to sing I was fine. I knew that God was with me, and that I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)

At the end of the day, I understand many were moved to tears.

Really? Me??? I am no J-Hud?????

But guess what KELLY: God called YOU anyway.

I have to learn to trust that calling, and walk in it ALWAYS with boldness. I know how many artists suffer from stage fright so I know I am not alone. Many take drugs to calm down prior to the performance. I thank God that I am learning how to TRUST, by getting in the presence of God (which takes the focus off of me), and just sing! Just LET GO!

Thank you to my trapeze team for encouraging me and reminding me to trust. I realize every day when I log onto the internet or answer
my phone/emails, that people are encouraging me, and are nearby to remind me that it will be just fine. Likewise, I hope that I can be an
encourager to you. It WILL be FINE my friends!! Just let go and let GOD!

So with that, keep praying for me as I pray for you, and let’s watch what God continues to do with Kelly Chapman Ministries going forward.

Letting go as I find a way to get to Haiti.