Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Rated R

This is an adult conversation. That means, kids should not read this today. This is a grown up conversation that some are not ready for, and some won’t be able to relate to. Thanks in advance for your understanding and support.

I recently watched VH1’s “For the Love of Ray J”. I watch the show so that I can understand what is going on in the world, have insight into what my daughter is faced with, and also: because it is pretty interesting to learn about dating and relationships in these crazy times.

One contestant on the show is a beautiful lady named Elle who Ray nicknamed, “Luscious”. She is young and a bit immature, but not naive or “green” by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, she had the most uncomfortable moment when she bumped into a man she formerly had sex with at a function hosted by Ray. He and Ray are friends – yikes! She didn’t think that it would be a big deal, “We are all from LA, so of course there may be people I hooked up with who Ray knows and vice-versa. We can get past that”.

Right?

Wrong?

The first time it surfaced was by the actual guy. He made it a point to tell Ray that he “hit that”. Ray kept Luscious around, stating that “her past was her past”. He and Luscious moved on from the situation.

But the same story from her past would continue to resurface.

Over and over.

The same mistake followed her like a “Scarlet Letter”.

It resurfaced again when Ray’s sister, Brandy brought it up. At this point, Luscious is trying to be polite. But you can tell she is clearly irritated that she has to keep talking about her past and explaining herself to everyone. She says again, “Ray and I have moved on from that situation”.

Next, all of Ray’s friends come to his house for a pool party. They ask around all afternoon, “Which one of you girls smashed the homie?”

Later, Snoop Dogg arrives and spends a few minutes with each lady, trying to identify who is right for Ray J. Snoop Dogg asks Luscious if she knows which one of the girls “Smashed the homie”. At first she evades the answer, and finally tells him, “I did, but Ray and I have moved past it”

The “Coup de gras” was during the post-party debrief with Ray and his friends. They gave him feedback on all of his potential “girlfriends”. When they mentioned Luscious, one guy said, “The homie told me himself he smashed it. She ain’t the one”. Ray put a pillow over his head, while his friends chanted,

“Luscious, she smashed the homie! Luscious, she smashed the homie!”

Luscious overheard the foolerly and ran in the room screaming, “You all are being disrespectful!” The gang kept heckling her, until she finally lost her temper. She ended up quitting the show in tears.

What is my takeaway on all of this?

Luscious smashed a homie. I won’t get into all of the biblical
writings about fornication, but it is safe to say – she SINNED!! In fact, she did it at Ray’s house sometime in the past. I can’t really defend what she did or why she would even get on Ray’s show to begin with. My point is not about whether it was right or wrong. My point is about moving beyond your past. Even though she tried to pick herself up from the situation and move on, her past kept coming back to haunt her over and over. It is bad enough when WE keep blaming OURSELVES and feeling guilty for things we’ve done. Now add to it, the ridicule from the crowd.

As Dietrick Haddon sings, “I am so glad, God is not like man”.*

God doesn’t say you are not worthy. God says you are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. The amazing thing about the love of God is, He doesn’t hold grudges, and make snide comments or snicker with others about you.

Can I relate to Elle? Sure. I smashed a homie too back in the day.

Whoops!! Is that why I am still single?

(laughing) I won’t even begin to accept that lie – I am single because God wants me to be right now. Period.

I can’t begin to recount all of the things I’ve done in my short lifetime that I am ashamed of. The times I looked back and said,

“What was I thinking?”
“What was I DRINKING?”

The good news is: I have no problem sharing with you, because I have overcome my past. Hallelujah!

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us (Psa 103:12).

A message from Kelly Chapman to Elle:
“You can live in LA or all the way in NYC and it wouldn’t matter who knows whom – if you are a child of the King, He forgives you! Dust yourself off and try again. You said you are reading your bible – WONDERFUL!!! Keep doing it young lady. God will direct your path.”

I need to keep it real so let me add one more point. It is so awful to have your past brought up in your face, and even worse, used as an excuse for why you are not worthy of a man. But to be clear:

Women don’t like to go behind other women EITHER. In fact, WE LADIES would prefer not to be with YOU if we knew:

- all 300 of the women you smashed when you were just “getting it out of your system” before you were “ready to settle down”
- that we were going behind the prostitute you slept with on your many trips to Brazil
- that you had those two babies while you were dating us
- that the dude you hang out with all of the time is really more than a friend (wink)
- that you have all of those STDs (half of which YOU aren’t even aware of)

We want a PRIZE also!!! Hello??? Can I get an AMEN!

But the funny thing about most women (which some men seem to get and often take advantage of) is we tend not to judge you on your past. We have the same grace as Jesus – throwing it into the “sea of forgetfulness”. We want to believe in your ability to change and focus solely on us.

So Ladies, if you made some mistakes in the past, and have moved forward to become a better person – hold your head up high and never let ANYONE make you feel unworthy of love or forgiveness. Turn your life around, and don’t look back! There is a man out there who will love you unconditionally – wait on him!

I may not win any popularity contests for keeping things real. I don’t care. Let me close by saying to my friends (mainly the homies): Don’t get too proud. In fact, look in the mirror. May I remind you that the bible says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged” (Matt 7:1)

Oh the blood of Jesus!
Oh the blood of Jesus!
Oh the blood of Jesus
IT WASHES WHITE AS SNOW!

Check out a great video on ww.youtube.com by Dietrick Haddon “You didn’t give up”

Loving you unconditionally…

I just love the holidays. As I shared in my book, “Real: The Truth About Being Single”, I don’t see many of my friends because most of them are married and spend time with their married friends. However, I really enjoy spending time with my family and extended family as we celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Of course, no holiday with family goes by where I can elude the popular question:
“So where is your man?”
“How are things going for you in the dating world?”
“Who is your boyfriend now?”
“Where is XXXX who took you all over the world?”
I used to dread the holidays because I always wanted the fantasy date to bring home. Now I have gotten past that, and can really enjoy my time (with or without the date).
So yesterday, my one relative said, “You need to realize and open yourself up to the fact that MEN ARE EVERYWHERE. They are working, they are homeless, they are all around you. You need to open yourself up and witness the men who are in your everyday life. That’s when you will meet THE ONE”.
Okay… so I already know from my daughter that I spend waaayyy too much time on my PDA (in private and in public). I have been out with girlfriends and guyfriends who always ask me,
“Did you see that man checking you out?
Of course I am like, “Where? I didn’t see it!”
Then they always say, “Kelly, you need to pay more attention to what is going on around you. Men are checking you out and you NEVER EVEN SEE IT”
Got it. I tend to believe that Ruth met Boaz when she was working… head down, doing her thing.
He RECOGNIZED HER – right? RIGHT???
Well, this weekend I have NOTHING to do. It is almost troubling for someone who likes to work. I don’t want to shop because I just cleaned out four closets of clothes and I still have too much stuff. In fact, I don’t want to buy ANYTHING. Even on sale.
soo…
this weekend I will open myself up to appreciate the fact that God created man and he is EVERYWHERE.
(smile)
I will appreciate every man who walks past me this weekend.
He who looks at me,
He who smiles at me,
He who looks at me, smiles at me, holds the door, buys flowers and chocolates at the local stand, and invites me out to dinner (ahhhh stop dreaming)
I will only view my pda for a brief moment in public, and spend time sitting, walking, enjoying Cleveland this weekend. And enjoying the many Men who inhabit this wonderful city.
I will conclude the weekend at the “MAN FEST” – The CAVS game on Sunday!!
Woohoo!!!
I will keep you posted, but I have to believe that I am not going to have time to take in all of the men that I will see and appreciate this weekend. I am getting “tickled pink” just thinking about it.
What an interesting new thing for me – juggling men HAHAHA!!
Okay – ladies enjoy your weekend, and enjoy the Men who are EVERYWHERE!!!
PS. Check out the Book of Ruth this weekend

I want to take a moment to invite all of my single ladies to repeat this (with me):
Yes it is Christmas
Yes I am single
Because I am saved, have a real friend to spend Christmas with
Therefore:
I won’t spend one more minute awaiting the phone call for a Christmas Eve date
I won’t spend one more minute awaiting the phone call for dinner with his family
I am not a last minute option, I am a priority
I won’t charge my credit card on an expensive gift for one more chance to impress him
He is not impressed with my fancy gifts
He either likes me or he doesn’t
This year, I promise to focus not on a man, but to focus on THE MAN
In fact on Christmas, he was just a baby born in a manger wrapped in swaddling clothes
In His presence there is fullness of joy
In His presence there is healing, honest conversation, comfort, safety, power, compassion, unconditional love, patience… the list goes on
How can I compare me waiting by the phone to that
There is no comparison
I know my value and I am priceless
Through the school of hard-knocks, I finally am ready to pass my test
This time I choose ME
So I will wait in His presence for the one who can’t wait to be with me
It may be Jesus for now, and He is enough
Have a good week my friends, and enjoy the days leading up to Christmas! Don’t worry about that man’s plans. God has great plans for you (Jer 29:11)