Trapeze School: A lesson on Letting Go!
Sunday, January 17th, 2010
I recently had the opportunity to do something that I normally would have never considered: Trapeze School at the Santa Monica Pier.
I have a fear of heights, and I am also not quite the gymnast that I was as a kid. What transpired that afternoon provided great insight into my self-esteem, team dynamics, and the power of letting go.
If you are not familiar with the Trapeze, the process involves climbing a super-tall ladder and standing on a platform held by cables. You are instructed to grab the bar, hang and swing your legs up over it. Next you let go of the bar and hang by your knees, and lastly, you swing your legs back down and gracefully drop into the net.
UMMM HMMMM…
This exercise revealed the vulnerabilities of most of us. Some of us were extremely nervous, and some couldn’t get up the ladder. My goal: do it to overcome a fear. Anothers goal: to do it once just to be able to say I did it. Another: I don’t care, I am COMING BACK DOWN NOW!!! Anothers kids gave him a Superman T-Shirt and he was all over the place, jumping from one bar to the next.
We had two hours, and trust me – that is a LOT of time.
When I went up the ladder, I was on fire! I was on a mission to accomplish the stunt, because it actually looked fun! As a skier, I was
concerned that my knees might suffer additional stress by hanging upside down. However, I was “raring to go”!
I quickly scaled the ladder to the top, and dipped my hands in the chalk bag. Let’s DO THIS!!!
Everything was fine until the instructor told me to lean my upper body away from the platform. My hands would hold the bar and prepare to
jump. I immediately said, “Nope, this isn’t going to work.” In my mind, I was leaning out into the unknown. What if something happened??? I mean I am leaning out over nothing but a net many feet below. “Unh-uh. I can’t.”
A team member yelled, “Hey Kelly, just TRUST”
With that reminder – in a split second, I let go and leaned forward.
As I let go, I felt the instructor holding me so that I would not fall off of the platform. When I got my legs up on the bar, he shouted, “Drop your hands!” I screamed, “Oh no, I can’t do THAT part!” He COMMANDED in a loud voice, “Yes YOU CAN!”. Like a soldier taking orders, I immediately let go, swinging from those “ski knees” – hahaha!! It was soooo much FUN!!!
From that moment on, I learned how to hang from the bar and swing, and I almost did a flip like they do in the circus, but my timing was off.
WOW!!!!
…and greater WOW watching those handsome beach instructors climb a rope and do tricks on a bar (but I digress – sorry)
In all seriousness, how many times have you felt that you needed or wanted to do something, but you stopped or quit due to fear? Whether it is:
- starting a business
- going out of the country for vacation or on a missions trip
- singing or public speaking
- snorkeling, or some outdoor adventure
- or following your passion even when the odds seem stacked against you?
We have so many excuses, so much negative self-talk:
- What if I can’t pay my bills?
- it’s dangerous over there (as if the United States is absent of criminals and violence)
- They are all going to laugh at me
- What if I hurt myself?
- Everything is falling apart so maybe it is time to “throw in the towel”
For some reason, God called me to share the Good News via Kelly Chapman Ministries. I could have (and did have) alot of doubts about it:
- I haven’t quite memorized the entire bible yet, am I qualified?
- I am sooo far from perfect, everyone must know?
- I don’t have a husband, how can I share with singles?
- I haven’t been to divinity school so why are people asking me to speak?
- I can’t sing like Karen Clark-Sheard or Kim Burrell, are they going to reject me?
… on and on the list goes and GROWS!
But God knew me – my faults, my shortcomings and all. He knew that I suffer from tremendous stress when I grab the microphone. He told me to go anyway. He knew I had never been formally trained at a worship leaders camp or retreat. He told me to lead others in worship anyway. He knew I didn’t have time to write a book, so he sent Kenya Banks to get the process started and co-write… anyway.
When I said, “No way”
He said, “YES, and trust me”
He knows the plans He has for me, and they are GREATER than anything I could imagine (Jer 29:11)
And trusting has been a daily process. Dying daily to my fleshly nature that is so concerned with perfection, so concerned with what others think, so concerned with not failing.
Last week, I worked myself into a stomach flu-like illness the morning I had to sing at a big event co-chaired by BET’s CEO Debra Lee.
I won’t get into all of the sexy details of that morning, but suffice it to say – I was not well. I finally got in God’s presence. I prayed, I sang worship songs, and I worshipped the Lord in the spirit. And five minutes before I opened my mouth to sing I was fine. I knew that God was with me, and that I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)
At the end of the day, I understand many were moved to tears.
Really? Me??? I am no J-Hud?????
But guess what KELLY: God called YOU anyway.
I have to learn to trust that calling, and walk in it ALWAYS with boldness. I know how many artists suffer from stage fright so I know I am not alone. Many take drugs to calm down prior to the performance. I thank God that I am learning how to TRUST, by getting in the presence of God (which takes the focus off of me), and just sing! Just LET GO!
Thank you to my trapeze team for encouraging me and reminding me to trust. I realize every day when I log onto the internet or answer
my phone/emails, that people are encouraging me, and are nearby to remind me that it will be just fine. Likewise, I hope that I can be an
encourager to you. It WILL be FINE my friends!! Just let go and let GOD!
So with that, keep praying for me as I pray for you, and let’s watch what God continues to do with Kelly Chapman Ministries going forward.
Letting go as I find a way to get to Haiti.